Jacob Zuma (the Original 100% Zuluboy) and the African National Congress have established a TASK TEAM around Caster Semanya, ostensibly to help the er athlete handle various pressures following this country's botched attempt to defend her basic human rights AND win a medal at the recently held
IAAF games in Berlin.

Underneath this seemingly innocuous attempt at correcting the mess ASSA (Athletics South Africa) has engendered (and by engendered we mean engendered) there exists a most devious and sinister ploy.

Consider for a moment that Caster is a keen soccer player, and that one of the members of the task team is none other than Winnie Madikizela-Mandela. Winnie (GBHPS) - God Bless Her Patriotic Soul - once had a soccer team all of her own - The Mandela United Football Club (MUFC). And who could forget her Number One Striker - Stompie Seipei (the little snitch who ended up in a ditch).

Now, we're not implying that Caster is in any danger. Far from it. Winnie (GBHPS) has been instructed, along with other members of the task team, to secretly train a squad of hermaphrodites, lead by Semanya, to replace the existing Bafana Bafana team in the FIFA 2010 World Cup. Of course, there is no assurance that the 'aspirant'  team will win the cup, but as Bafana Bafana play like a bunch of girls, it is likely that this new improved arrangement might see us advancing through the first round^* Added to this, reports are coming in, from our secret sources, that the imposter squad is receiving "advice" from members of the
1976 East German Women's Olympic Team.

What could go wrong?⁺

Dr Manto Tshabalala-Msimang, (thankfully) former Minister of Health, is reportedly also a member of the team (the task team, not the squad of hermaphrodites).

Nobody can, as yet, confirm what her role will be, although many suspect she will be coming out at half-time to offer the obligatory beetroot. Orange slices have been classified as entirely too western,
and everybody knows that beetroot cures HIV/Aids.  

Chapter 11. The American Dream Machine

all the King's Horses and all the King's men
Now hold a 60% share in US operations

General Mayhem abounds
in this most SOCIALIST of gowns

Our Emporer has a new Ride, 
while the rest of us travel ECONOMY

THE SOUTH AFRICAN GOVERNMENT
WANTS YOU
(you, not the Dalai Lama, not some shit-kicking peace prostitute...)

to SPEND some time in our lovely country.

We've got the 2010 FIFA world cup, plenty of clean sex,
lax drinking laws, township tours
muggings, shootings, Xenophobia
and Zulus.

so, get your ass on over here.
Good luck with that Visa, though
(especially if you're like some Nobel Peace Prize Laureate)

 Just goes to show you... seriously now, 
how idealistic, how obsolete the whole 

FREE TIBET
thing really is, 

In the present climate, in the ECONOMY WINTER, 
as the Chinese are want to add,
the best you can hope for, the realistic option is

TIBET 
at PRIME +1*

*terms and conditions apply**
**speak to your banker toady 

So... Rip Van Drankwinkel passes out sometime during APARTHEID

(n) colloq. bottlestore/ liquor store/ off-lisence...
(v) what happens after one too many
(term) suspect Nationalist practise of subjugation and marginalisation
(pre-democracy, pre-Mandela, pre-Obama. Precisely)  

TSHIRT TERRORIST SING-ALONG

ah-1, ah-2, ah-1-2-3-4...

            HAMAS is that doggie in the window (Allah! Allah!)
            The one with the militant disposition
            HAMAS is that doggie in the window (Allah! Allah!)
            I do hope that doggie makes it through the security checkpoint 

            I must launch a rocket into ISRAEL

            And show those oppressors who’s boss

            If only they weren’t bombing our tunnels

            Don’t worry we’ll take the bus

            HAMAS is that doggie in the window (Allah! Allah!)
            The one with the militant disposition
            HAMAS is that doggie in the window (Allah! Allah!)
            I do hope that doggie makes it through airport security

            I read in the paper there are LEADERS

            With roadmaps that shine out their ass

            Allah needs more trained freedom fighters

            We’ll break the cease-fire… Jihad!

            I don't want a RPG or machine gun

            I don't want a pound of gelatin

            I want like a jet fighter aircraft

            Nuclear warheads and NaPALM

            HAMAS is that doggie in the window (Allah! Allah!)
            The one with the militant disposition
            HAMAS is that doggie in the window (Allah! Allah!)

            I do hope that doggie remembered his Qur’an

            I do hope that doggie remembered his bomb.

Tshirt Terrorist also does children's parties
as long as they are political children's parties
and the opponents of said parties are paid up in full

Community leader's response to the South African Slipknot Sword Killings
[extract]

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, tonight,
our children lie awake
in clubs, in dives, in heroin dens,
listening to bad satanic music*

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, tonight,
the innocent and guilty alike
fall prey, nay, VICTIM
to bad satanic music

When, ladies and gentlemen, o when
will the apples of our eyes
resist the tyranny, and the lies
of bad satanic music

and listen, instead, ladies and gentlemen 
to good satanic music, 
to great satanic music,
AWESOME satanic music,
like Deicide, 
like Cannibal Corpse...

like Kylie Minogue 

When the devil says "Jump!"
tell him I say "Hi!"

*Did you mean: Satanic Music that is bad for you?