from Police Custody
Police have confirmed that ZakumiTM was taken into custody in the early hours of Tuesday morning as the prime suspect in the mauling of a tourist, a visitor to our beautiful country, albeit an idiot with a camera who wanted the kitty to look a bit more lively. An SAPS spokesperson for the case has confirmed that owing to Zakumi’sTM “wildcat tendencies” he will not be released on bail, and pending an investigation into the incident might face manslaughter charges, which could be reduced to maneater charges given the specifics of the case.
Either way it is likely that ZakumiTM will now miss the tournament, throwing a dark shadow onto the event and possibly tarnishing Africa’s image as a continent capable of hosting a major sporting event such as the TM-driven FIFA World CUPTM.
Please Join Harry FokkerTM, and his Facebook friends, in petitioning the South African government and FIFA TM to release the kitty on bail, allowing him to fulfill his contractual obligations…
“We are not calling for his release on humanitarian grounds. We are doing so on FOOTBALL grounds*. We are saying that he is our MASCOT. This is the acknowledged MASCOT of the group that most blacks (and whites) (and coloureds…) hell, all SOUTH AFRICANS support, but more than that we are saying he is symbolic because we want all MASCOTS, all FOOTBALL prisoners, released not on humanitarian grounds but on the grounds that this is going to be part of how we build up a climate conducive to WINNING THE CUP“
– HARRY FOKKERTM, and Bishop Desmond Tutu.
* aka soccer stadiums, that cost a small fortune to erect, and will theoretically continue to clothe and feed and educate a nation, somehow, long after the eventTM